Social Media and Your Wedding
How Much to Share?
Q I’m really excited to be engaged. Is it okay to post pictures and information about the wedding on my Facebook page?
A Facebook is a great place to share your engagement and wedding news. But in all the excitement, it’s easy to over-share. Try to avoid:
-The rush to gush. Make sure you’ve told your big news personally or by phone to your most important relatives and close friends before you tell the social media world.
-Posting without asking. A recent survey in Men's Health magazine says that while 57 percent of women want to share a photo of their ring on Facebook, only 18 percent of men think it's a good idea.*
-Inadvertently extending an invitation. A “can’t wait to see you all at the wedding” post to your entire friend list could be taken seriously by those you weren’t intending to invite. Unless you mean it, don’t do it—not only could your wedding be overrun, but you’re likely to hurt the feelings of those friends who don’t receive a printed invitation.
-TMI—not all of your social network friends will be coming to your wedding, so keep chatter to a minimum, or create a private Facebook group for your attendants.
-TMI II—no outrageous photos from the bachelor(ette) party.
*Men’s Health Marriage Proposal Survey in partnership with TheKnot.com: survey of 1,500 engaged or married men and women, released Feb. 2012.
Getting to Know Your Future Mother-in-Law
Q My fiancé and I are paying for our own wedding. Usually we’re on the same page about the major decisions, but lately his mother has been calling almost daily to demand that we invite certain distant relatives, and she's pressuring us to serve a particular type of meal. How do I get her to back down?
A It’s easy to get annoyed when someone else’s input doesn’t fit in with your plans and budget. However, because this is your future mother-in-law, proceed with caution. You want this relationship to be pleasant. It’s likely that most of her suggestions are coming from her excitement and a desire to be involved in the planning. Include her where you can and work to build a good relationship—spending 10 minutes on the phone to share the pros and cons of your top two reception locations doesn’t cost you anything and will mean a lot to her. As you begin to include her more, it’s likely that the demands will decrease, if not disappear. When you do need to say no, enlist the help of your fiancé—he can explain to his mother why it’s not possible to include her second cousins on the guest list. If there are any small concessions that you can make as a gesture of goodwill, then do so. If her best friend is a vegan, ask the caterer if there can be a vegan meal for this one guest.
A Primer on Tipping
Whether or not to tip depends on the vendor and your contract. Let’s break it into four categories:
Usually, you don’t tip the officiant. A letter of thanks is a nice way to show your appreciation. However, if your officiant is from out of town, you should cover all his/her travel and lodging costs.
If a tip isn’t included in the contract for any outside musicians, add 15 percent, or tip a flat fee of $15 to $20 per musician.
Deliver all fees and tips after the ceremony. Prepare labeled envelopes with a note of thanks. It’s the duty of the groom or the best man to deliver them.
Your venue contract likely will include tips as a percentage of the entire package. Typically, wait staff, bartenders, the maître d’, catering manager and sometimes the chef, receive tips. Tip the bartenders as a group, 10 percent of the total liquor bill. The maître d’ is tipped
1 to 3 percent of the contracted food and beverage price, and waiters each receive $20 or more. Tip the chef $100 or more.
Tip a DJ 15 percent of the fee, and musicians $25 to $50 each if tips aren’t included in the contract.
Limo, taxi, bus and shuttle drivers are tipped 15 percent, and parking attendants $1 to $2 per car. Tip more for valet parking; if the valet parking is contracted, then 15 percent is the norm.
This includes your wedding planner, photographer, videographer and
reception manager. Tip amounts vary from $100 to $400, depending on the level of service. In general, professionals aren't tipped. Instead, write a thank you note and add a gift, cash or gift certificate.